One Shot at Some Oneshots
by Formerly Chilltown
Summary: A collection of oneshots centered around Smashers that don't get any love. 6: Bowser gets a prostate exam.
1. Marth gets Attacked by a Raccoon

**Let's hope this idea goes well...** I wanna make a collection of one-shots based around the Smashers that nobody writes about. Namely Wario, Yoshi, Meta Knight, Donkey and Diddy Kong, Bowser, R.O.B., and DeDeDe. I'll throw in a popular Smash Brother for substance every once and a while. Maybe some Master and Crazy Hand, Waluigi, Petey Piranha, and other minor characters if I get an idea.

Genres range from serious to completely horrible, and I'm sorry I had to use the most ridiculous one first. xD

Cast:

Wario

Marth

Ike

* * *

Marth was washing the Blue Falcon in front of the Smash Mansion on a hot summer day wearing nothing but a tight, dark blue Speedo. The prince's body was well-oiled, and his hair was all wet from a sexy car wash fight he got in with Ike. God damn, it was so sexy. Two steaming man-hunks throwing soapy sponges at each other, running around. Even Zelda and Peach had to stop and stare.

Marth was hot, cool, smart, funny, fashionable, and the all-around perfect male specimen.

He was finishing the wax job on the F-Zero vehicle when, out of nowhere, a rabid raccoon with a lust for blood attacked. Marth screamed liked a girl at the top of his lungs, and with his quick reflexes, he dove inside the Blue Falcon and locked the hatch. Ike got so scared of the beast that he ran inside and pushed the couch in front of the door and locked it.

The raccoon clawed at the window, staring daggers at Marth; he continued to scream for his dear life. All hope was lost.

A hero soared through the air, blocking out the sun. Marth would be saved. The raccoon's mouth dropped, and it screamed as high-pitched as Marth did. It began to scurry away, but it was too late. The enigmatic hero belly-flopped onto the raccoon and ate it alive, swallowing it whole.

With the Theme of Tara playing, the hero stood up revealing himself to be none other than... Wario. The hero of... nobody.

"Wario?" Marth asked using a condescending tone. He got out of the Blue Falcon and headed back inside. "Gross. This was a waste of time."

"Wha-?!" Wario's jaw dislodged, and his posture drooped. "No thank-a you for Wario?!"

Marth didn't answer as he continued to walk to the front door.

Wario scuttled at high speed toward the prince of Altea and leapt high into the air, lunging at him. Marth turned around and saw a pissed-off Wario coming straight for him; he emitted a high-pitched squeal. He tugged on the doorknob and shoved on the door, but it wouldn't budge.

"Ike?!" Marth pounded on the door with Wario just seconds behind him. "Somebody, _heeelllppp!_"

* * *

**END OF CHAPTER**

True story that happened to someone I know. xD Well, no one came and saved them, but the raccoon attacked.


	2. Airport Security

Cast:

Bowser

Yoshi

Fox

* * *

"Bowser, Bowser! We're gonna be late!" Yoshi hopped up and down, tugging on the reptilian king's shell spike.

_10:23 A.M._

Master Hand gave the Smash Mansion residents a week's vacation to the tropical Isle Defino after a long team tournament. Marth was especially excited because he got to break out in his new Speedo and oil himself up to soak up some rays. The Smash Brothers were to board the plane at eleven in the morning, and Bowser, the late sleeper he is, woke up late. The others took cabs to the Nintendo International Airport and left Yoshi and Fox to make sure he got there on time.

"I know, hold on! We still got time!" Bowser stuffed clothes into his suitcase although he never even wore them. "Okay, let's go!"

Leaving his suitcase, King Koopa scrambled out his room, down the stairs, and out the front door with his two companions.

_10:27 A.M._

"We have fifteen minutes to get to the airport," said Fox, checking out his watch. "That should give us enough time to get through security and board the plane. Punch it, cabbie."

Skipping over the cab scene, the trio arrived at the airport.

_10:41 A.M._

Fox purchased a banana at a nearby vendor, claiming he did not eat breakfast and couldn't go throughout the day without it. This cost a lot of time because Fox is unreasonable and wants to live a healthy life.

_10:43 A.M._

Airport security. Fox and Yoshi had to take off the shoes, and the former had to remove any weapons he had on his person and place them in the tray. Bowser removed his wristbands and walked through the metal detector.

"You're clear, take your belongings and have a nice flight," said the guard.

Yoshi walked through the scanner and was cleared; he put on his shoes again and joined Bowser. Fox stepped through the metal detector.

It went off.

"Code 34A, I repeat Code 34A. We have radioactive material on our hands." One of the security guards said into a walkie-talkie. Guards gathered around Fox and forced him into another room.

"I don't have any radioactive material! I have to board that plane!" Fox struggled against them.

"Can't let you do that, Star Fox." The guards dragged him into another room. "We'll need to perform a thorough cavity search. _Very_ thorough."

"Guh uh huhuh huh!" Bowser chuckled to himself and nudged Yoshi. "Cavity search."

_10:58 A.M._

Bowser and Yoshi made their way to the right terminal where they showed the flight attendant their tickets. She informed them that the plane already finished boarding.

"Wahk!" Yoshi chirped. He tugged on Bowser's arm and ran. The Koopa followed after him.

_11:02 A.M._

Yoshi, with Bowser mounted on his saddle, sprinted towards the plane that had already began taking off. They caught up to the wheels, but Yoshi's back really started to hurt.

"You're way too heavy, buddy..." huffed Yoshi as he started slowing down.

"Idea!" A light bulb appeared over Bowser's head. Swatting it away, he pulled Yoshi's tongue out of his mouth and latched it onto the airplane's wheel.

It raised into the hull of the airplane, and it lifted Bowser and Yoshi off the ground- the only thing holding them up being Yoshi's tongue. Finally lifting them into the plane, the wheels docked in. Yoshi fell backwards out of exhaustion, his tongue still stretched out of his mouth and worn out. Bowser climbed into the upper level of the plane and settled in for a long nap.

Meanwhile...

A burly male security guard slipped on a glove, making a crisp popping sound. He neared Fox with a treacherous smile spread on his face.

"No, no..." Fox backed up in the corner, naked and afraid for his life. "_Nooooo!_"

* * *

**END OF CHAPTER**

So we all know that bananas have potassium, right? Well turns out potassium is slightly radioactive, so don't eat a banana right before you board a plane, or the alarm will go off.


	3. Awesome Adventure

Cast:

Wario

Yoshi

Meta Knight

Lucario

Marth

* * *

It was a hot Saturday at the Smash Mansion, and every Saturday the residents were each assigned a chore to do that day by spinning a giant wheel. Others got lucky with easier jobs like sweeping and dusting while others got the harder tasks like doing laundry for the entire house.

Meta Knight had to do the gardening.

"This is so degrading!" Meta Knight pulled a few weeds out of the ground and wied the sweat from behind his mask. "I'm an accomplished swordsman, not a gardener! But I must be diligent."

He continued to water plants and pull weeds out when he saw them. If he worked without any breaks, he could finish the back yard in an hour and be finished for the day. All was going well.

UNTIL HE WAS ATTACKED BY A GIANT SNAKE!!

Meta Knight reached for his golden sword, Galaxia, but he only found an empty watering pail in its place. The snake lunged at the knight and swallowed him whole. The snake slithered away into a nearby forest, but lucky for Meta Knight, he had his BlackJack II with AT&T service, only the best wireless service in this world. He dialed the number to the Smash Mansion.

"Hello?!" Wario answered the phone after seven rings and held it up to his mouth. "Wario's busy right now!"

"Wario, this is Meta Knight. I need your help-"

"That's-a gotta wait! I'm in the middle of important business right-a now." Wario rattled off as he picked his nose on the couch.

"Wario, in the name of garlic, please help!" Meta Knight begged.

"Garlic?! Well, I can't-a let garlic down."

"I need you to go buy a giant Cheetoh and stick Galaxia inside of it. Then bring it out to the forest."

"Cheetohs?! Alright!" Wario jumped up and grabbed the nearest person to him, which was Yoshi. "Let's-a go!"

The biker dragged Yoshi out of the house and ran to the grocery store. Yoshi gave Wario a few coins so he could ride the rides outside the store while he went inside to buy the giant Cheetoh.

It was only one left.

After kicking an innocent pregnant woman in the gut, Yoshi tripped an old man with his tail and grabbed the giant Cheetoh. The green dinosaur checked out and got Wario; they ran back to the house.

"Where's Meta Knight's sword?" asked Yoshi when they went in his and Lucario's room.

"It's over there." Lucario looked up from his book. He pointed to a hall inside the room filled with deadly traps, and at the end was Galaxia in a glass case.

"How are we going to get past all those obstacles?" Yoshi asked Wario. "With our unique abilities and a little thought from the author?"

"No! With-a Wario Time!" Wario took Lucario by the ears and slung him into the hallway.

A spatter of lasers hit the Pokemon, and then all the other traps blew up. They got Galaxia and stuck it in the Cheetoh.

"Hooray!" Wario and Yoshi jumped up in the air and high-fived.

They ran into the spooky forest nearby. Yoshi and Wario got lost after a few seconds and got very hungry. They eyed the Cheetoh, mouths drooling.

"Yoshi? Wario? Are you two out here?" called out a voice.

The greasy biker turned around to see that it was Marth, his arch-nemesis. "What do you want, Poncy Boy?!"

"The house noticed you two and Meta Knight were missing, so they sent out a search party."

"A search party with one person?" Yoshi asked skeptically. "Sounds like they care about us a _lot_."

The Megaman X Maverick theme played when Marth's cell rang, and Wario got ready for a fight.

"Hello?" Marth answered his phone.

FINAL BOSS: Marth.

"Rrargh!" Wario growled as he lunged at Marth. "Prepare-a for trouble!"

Wario pounced on Marth's back and started punching him in the back of the head. Yoshi stood idle, confused.

"And make it double!" Yoshi shook off his confusion and kicked Marth in the chest.

Wario and Yoshi put the hurt on Marth. The fat plumber spun Marth around and slung him out of the forest, into the sunset.

Yoshi and Wario gained experience points, and Yoshi leveled up to level 46. They gained two Potions and a Pheonix Down.

"There it is!" Yoshi spotted a large snake with a lump in the middle of it.

Yoshi laid the giant Cheetoh on the ground, and they hid behind a tree. The snake smiled and swallowed it. Meta Knight reached into the Cheetoh and pulled out Galaxia. He slew the beast from the inside and climbed out of it.

"I thank you." Meta Knight bowed.

Meta Knight took out a giant black guitar, Wario got out a bass, and Yoshi got on a huge drum set. They played bad ass rock music for hours until the forest burned down because it was so awesome.

* * *

**END OF CHAPTER  
**


	4. Pit gets What's Coming to Him

He, everybody! Took a while to update this 'cause I was working on other stuff. Check out my newest story _Wario to Rosario_! And my most ambitious fanfic, _Pete, She Wrote!_ I should be updating that one soon, and it's a lot funnier than anything I've ever written or will write. It never did too well, so I'd appreciate it if you checked it out. xD

Cast:

Bowser

Pit

King DeDeDe

* * *

One Saturday morning, Bowser went through the entire Smash Mansion sweeping the floors. The entire house was spotless by the time the Koopa king was done with it- the halls, rooms, bathrooms, the kitchen, the patio. Not a spec of dust was on the floor, so Bowser stopped to admire his work.

"Bwrah?!" Bowser saw a white feather lying on the ground upstairs. "Man, I hate Chore Day! Guess I'll have to sweep over the floors again..."

Bowser swept up every feather lying around in the house, which took him another twenty minutes. Much to his dismay, he saw another trail of feathers leading into the kitchen. It lead to Pit, drinking a glass of ice water.

"Damn it Pit, I'm gonna kick your ass!"

The reptilian king let out a formidable roar, setting the head of the broom on fire. He marched over to the angel and raised his arm to strike him with it.

Pit took out his bow and spun it around like a doofus. "You can't defeat me! The fight is on!"

Bowser beat the life out of Pit with his flaming broom, and when the flame died, he started pounding him with his fists. When DeDeDe went into the kitchen to get milk for his Oreos, he stopped to watch Bowser beat the mess out of young, defenseless Pit.

"Bowser, what're you doin'?!" The King of Dreamland ran over to pull Bowser off of Pit.

"Oh, I was kickin' Pit's ass."

"COOL!!"

"Goddess Palutena, victory is ou- _Gyaaaahhh!_"

King DeDeDe snatched the can of aerosol spray off the counter and sprayed it in Pit's ass while Bowser held him down, laughing.

* * *

**END OF CHAPTER  
**

I'M TIRED OF PIT FANFICS!


	5. Grand Theft Diary

Yeah, yeah. This is _Grand Theft Diary_, a previous submission. I'm trying to condense my "archive" right now, so I'm just gonna put this in the collection. It _is_ a oneshot, after all. Consider this a half-assed update. xD

Cast:

Bowser

Pikachu

Marth

King DeDeDe

Sonic

* * *

"Grah! Give it back, ya rat!" Bowser roared, stomping throughout the house.

Bowser's diary, his most treasured belonging. It held all of his secrets, personal thoughts, and life experiences. Nobody dared to go near it, as they would face nearly five hundred pounds of wrath and furious anger. Because he felt so secure in the fact that no one would read out of it, he left it lying on his desk while he went to the kitchen to fry himself a carton of eggs. After breakfast, the reptilian king headed back upstairs to shower up and get ready for the day where he would again try to look cool in front of Princess Peach and her friends.

Pikachu scampered down the hallway, coming out of Bowser's room carrying something in his mouth. Thinking nothing of it, Bowser grabbed a bottle of shampoo and conditioner. On his way out the door, he glanced at his desk, and it was gone. Dropping everything, he scrambled out of the room and stumbled against the wall, nearly knocking it down.

And here we are.

"Pi Pikachu!" he giggled as he ran outside into the back yard.

The Koopa stomped right on through, tearing down the patio door and the walls around it. Flames escaped the sides of his mouth as he grunted. Pikachu sped across the yard and then ran up the Smash Mansion's only tree.

"Get down from there!" he bellowed, shaking his fist. "Or I'll burn it down!"

Bowser took a deep breath and before he exhaled a blast of fire, Marth, DeDeDe, and Sonic pulled him back.

"Get offa me!" the Koopa commanded. "Whadda you punks want?!"

"Well, I was trying to teach Sonic and DeDeDe how to play croquet," Marth said, "and then I saw you just about to burn down this tree."

"That rat stole my diary!"

"Bowser," Marth tried to reason with him. "Pikachu does this all the time. Mario's cap, Link's shield, Snake's cigarettes- he's just playing. And besides, do you honestly think the little guy can read?"

"Well, I don't care! It could give it to one'a you, and it's about time we taught that thing some manners!" he yelled.

"Bowser, Bowser, Bowser..." Sonic said, putting his arm around his shell. "We'll get your diary back for ya, pronto. Right, guys? Just go have a seat over there in the lawnchair and get a little sun vitamin."

Bowser walked across the yard and climbed onto the chair. He yawned and quickly fell asleep. Marth went over to the item shed and got a ladder, as a spring wouldn't be necessary. Leaning the ladder against the tree, the prince climbed up and sat grabbed onto the tree branch Pikachu sat on.

"Hello, little guy! Wanna come down and return Bowser's diary?"

Pikachu shook his head "no".

"You know it's not nice to take th-"

Marth accidentally kicked the ladder out from under his feet, and it fell over and hit the ground next to the king of Dreamland. The prince of Altea flutter-kicked like Yoshi and pulled himself onto the branch. The tree was too tall to simply jump down, at least for Marth.

"May one you put the ladder back up, please?" he asked, his voice slightly shaky.

King DeDeDe went to grab at the ladder, but it flickered a little and then disappeared into a white poof.

"Uhh... Oops!" the penguin told Marth.

Sonic backed up from the tree a few steps.

"Where ya goin'?" DeDeDe asked to Sonic.

"I'm gonna run all the way up the tree, grab Marth and Pikachu, and then run back down it."

The hedgehog's feet became a red blur as he sped across he yard and up the tree. But he ran so fast that he shot up the tree, soared into the sky, and went so high that he got stuck in orbit around the world.

"..." "..." "..." DeDeDe, Marth, and Pikachu were speechless.

"Okay!" the king cheered. "Bein' as I'm the highest jumper out of all the house, I'll just leap up there, and we'll gently float down!"

The penguin king positioned himself under the tree, and with all his might, leapt high into the air. But he positioned himself directly under the tree brach they sat on and hit his head. After an awkward grunt, DeDeDe fell and crashed back on the ground on his face, stars circling his head.

Pikachu, diary still in mouth, began to climb back down the tree. The electric mouse flashed a sinister grin at Marth as he dashed back inside. Marth gasped; he was going to be stuck in this tree until someone came outside and rescued him.

"DeDeDe, go get help! ...DeDeDe?" Marth looked down at King DeDeDe, who was still knocked out.

"Bowser?" he called out to the sleeping Koopa, who didn't show any signs of awakening. "Bowser! _Bowwwserrrr!!!_"


	6. Prostate Exam

Cast:

Bowser

Master Hand

Marth

* * *

Bowser sat in the clinic waiting room, clicking his claws together nervously as he waited for his appointment. He glanced over the months-old _Men's Health_ magazines, not interested in the articles but trying to pass the time until he was called in to see the doctor. It seemed like Bowser was the only one who was scheduled for an appointment at the health unit today, which was odd, because he was caught up on all of his necessary shots and had his yearly physical not too long ago.

"Mr. Koopa? Follow me please," instructed a Waddle Dee, calling from the doorway.

"King. I work for a living," Bowser corrected, following it down the hall.

The Waddle Dee showed him to room 114C, checked the reptilian king's vitals, and asked him to wait for his provider.

_This sucks_, the tyrant king thought. _I'm filing a complaint or somethin'._

After Bowser had played with all the equipment and found a half-eaten danish in a waste bin with a yellow sign on it, Master Hand wriggled through the door with a clipboard on its thumb. Bowser jerked his head in surprise, releasing a glove he was blowing air into. An awkward moment of silence transpired as the glove zipped around and landed in the corner.

"Have a seat, Bowser," the hand suggested.

"So what's the deal Master Hand? Am I gettin' an award for awesome physical fitness or what?"

"I'm afraid it's just the opposite." Master Hand "thumbed" through sheets of medical forms. "Bowser, you're well over forty now and it's about time we gave you an exam."

The Koopa blinked.

"When men get as old as you are-"

"Cut with the old; get to the point!"

"-they need to get what we call a prostate exam."

"Paid my insurance last week, so there ain't nothing to worry about with Prostate. Can I go now?"

Master Hand sighed. "A prostate is a gland in the male reproductive system. If we don't get you checked out, you could have some serious health problems down the line."

"Well, uh, okay. How are we gonna check it?"

"You bend over on the table," the floating hand gestured to what Bowser was sitting on. "And then I will proceed by putting my... finger. In your anus. And... feeling around. Simple enough."

Bowser eyes expanded in shock as he gazed upon Master Hand's long, girthy finger.

"Woah, hold on there buddy!" he chuckled nervously. The reptilian king leapt off the table, backing away slowly. "Maybe some other time, ya know? I think I left my anus back home and-"

Bowser tore the door off the wall as he dashed out of the room and gunned it for the exit. He nearly flattened Marth out of urgency to get as far away from the clinic as Koopaly possible.

"Bowser, get back here!" the hand bellowed.

"I just came here for some medical records and then..." Marth started, collecting sheets from the floor. "What's going on, Bowser? Why are you so sweaty?"

"Uhh, yeah! Master Hand wants to see you!" he lied while struggling to pop out of his spiked shell. "And he wants you to wear this and call yourself Bowser."

Bowser, in his white undershirt, gave Marth his heavy shell to put on.

"As farfetched as this sounds, I'll do it," the Altean prince agreed, climbing into the shell. "I don't want to get on Master Hand's bad side."

Bowser's eyes shifted left and right, then he slipped through the exit.

As he hovered away in the Koopa Clown Car, he heard the faint sound of someone killing a cat.

* * *

**END OF CHAPTER**


End file.
